Monday, December 12, 2005

Random Hilarity

Did anyone read the news story a few months ago about the Chinese zoo-dudes showing pornography to pandas in order to encourage/teach them to mate? WRONG MOVE. Showing porn to pandas is the worst possible way to get them pregnant. Once the male is ready to ejaculate, he's just going to pull it out and shoot his load all over the female's snout.

I understand the government's reluctance to legalise anal and oral sex even though everyone does it. We're a Muslim country blahblahblah(plus there would be nothing to prosecute deputy prime ministers with). Secretly though, everyone supports it. They could start by allowing medicinal blowjobs. We could get a prescription for blue-balls/monkhood. It would also help skeletal, kwashiokor-prone Malaysian girls get enough protein.

SinChewJitPoh reported that a Chinese tourist sarcastically held his ears and asked the police if he was required to do ear squats, when they were doing a 'routine' check of a klang valley nightspot.

They allowed Australia to join the ASEAN summit! Aieeeee!!! Next they're going to force us to fuck the ugly Aussie women in the name of regional co-operation. Fuck Australia. We don't need them. You think they care about our economy? They're more worried about ASEAN exporting jihad-intoning human bombs. But then we should be more worried about them exporting fat wild barking outback bitches(no no, not dingoes, I'm talking about their women). I guess that's the basis of co-operation then.

You know how host countries like to pad their medal count in the SEA games by including sports that they're strong in and removing others? For example Vietnam had fin-swimming and shuttlecock juggling(wtf sport is that?). When Australia organises the SEA games, you can bet they'll have 125m freestyle, 130m freestyle, 135m freestyle, 140m freestyle, 145m freestyle, 150m freestyle......

......and the new water sport called whale-humping. Any one of their citizens will be favourites along with the representatives from Malaysia and Singapore: married Punjabi men.

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