"So when are you getting married?"

What? Has everyone gone nuts all of a sudden? People are barely out of Uni. They're barely starting the rat race. What's with all these marriage talk? What happened to plain old "How are you?" What's with all the tacking on of "So, are you planning to......" at the end? Has it suddenly become acceptable for people in their mid-twenties to talk about marriage? When biological clocks and Asian male cowardice hold hands to overwhelm logic and common sense, suddenly getting hitched jumps into the forefront of our collective consciousness.

I don't mind when old friends ask me "Eh so bila kahwin?" as old friends do after they haven't seen each other for a while. I usually reply with "Eh don't curse me lah... so you leh? Bila kahwin?" Hehe. That's some funny shit. It's even better if you answer with "Aiyah my girlfriend lah. Forgot to use rubber that day. Now I'm puking every morning and got this weird craving for ice kacang. I also don't know how to tell my parents."

Then we got the marriage nazis. Look, I don't mind if you're getting married. That's your choice. On an intellectual level, I might even have the opinion that it's an outdated cultural relic that has no relevance in a world where we might soon see the first female American president. Doesn't mean that I'm not happy for my friends if they tell me they're getting hitched, with that glow on their faces and happiness in their eyes. I grab them and dance a jig with them. What turns me off are some insensitive people who think that just because they're planning to do it, other people have to rush out and do it too. And they ask you "when are you getting married?" in a tone of utter seriousness, even of casual acquaintances.

What gives you the right to ask such a personal question as "so when are you getting married?" Such insolence. Such utter lack of class and social grace. Here's a piece of advice, don't ask someone that unless you're sure they're getting married, or you might find yourself in an awkward situation. You know the saying about people who assume making and ass out of 'u' and 'me'? What makes you think that two people who are together are automatically getting married? Ever thought that asking such a question might be insulting to one or both parties? Ever figured out that you might be impinging upon the privacy and right to self-determination of a relationship?

Next person who asks me that, in a socially unacceptable manner, gets two possible answers.

If you're a guy,"So when do you plan to bring your sister/mother for me to fuck?"
If you're a girl,"So when are you planning on taking it up the ass?"