Friday, December 28, 2007

60 Things I did in December.

The past month, I.........


....... have gone jogging in-2C weather.
2....... baked an ENTIRE trout.............in salt.


3....... lived the road-trip cliche, driving in a junk car with 2 great(drunk) friends......

...... while getting drunk in the car......

....... and singing at the top of my voice to the Beach Boys. "SURFINNNN........ YEW ESS EHHHHHHH!!!"I'm cringing so hard now in embarrasment that my upper eyelids are wrapped around my nostrils.

4....... went to a Santa Claus theme party, replete with hot, drunk elves......

.........where we teased a cute girl about her big breasts and short legs.

5....... tried Karsk - coffee and home-made moonshine (90% alcohol!!!)

6....... beat the cheating locals at their own drinking game using Scandinavian trivia.
7....... almost bought a girl from Lappland for 50 Camels ( 1 camel = 2 reindeer, according to the Drunkard's Exchange Rate)

8.......met a very sweet farm girl with 9.5 fingers.

9....... ransacked her fridge and stole her housemates' food to cook after the party......
10.......was invited to breakfast at the same place the next morning, where I realised that the wildest parties end with milk served in broken glasses.............and a mini bottle of Jaegermeister.
12....... gave someone a 10000 km surprise visit.
13....... was spoilt rotten by someone else's grandma, who -like most grandmas- stuffed us full of food, sent us to play pingpong in her (really cool, and really cold) basement, and then had coffee and really nice cake ready for us when we were finished. Thanks Erlend's Grandma! We love you!

14...... gone 4 days without showering. And no, I didn't stink on the 4th day. I just couldn't stand that stifling reminder in my head going "oh god oh god you have to shower you're gonna stink and get skin disease and itch like crazy oh god oh god oh god...."

15..... tried to slide around a slippery icy cemetery car park with an '85 Camry in fog at night.

16...... was almost ass-raped by two good friends.
17...... went to Hell and back. Hell hath freezeth over. And it's just next to Trondheim airport in Vaernes.

18...... watched 'Bad Santa', one of the most awesome Christmas movies ever (that has nothing to do with Christmas :) Makes me wanna grab a Santa suit, a hot girl, and a beaten-up American car with squeaky springs.

19...... seen a good friend happily dress up in drag. My eyes!! Oh my eyes!!!

20...... collected so many empty cans and bottles from Tore's tiny apartment that we could sell them for close to 400 kroners(almost RM300!!)

21...... laughed my ass off when Erlend pelted his father with snowballs when he saw his father peeing outdoors, causing him to wet his trousers.

22...... watched my first episode of "Californication". It was awesome.


23...... expelled an egg-fart so awesomely, disgustingly smelly that it almost made the driver throw up, and woke up the passenger in the backseat, who immediately shouted at me with a lot of bad words, questioning my breeding, parentage, and sexual habits. I should explain that it was revenge for calling me JungleBoy and blaming me for any funny smell they picked up. I told them while they were gagging that THIS was the JungleBoy fart, and that they'd never mistake any other smell for it.

24...... gone snowboarding, and promptly crashed at high speed on the last run of the day, fucking up my ribs and knee.
25...... made trout pasta..............AWESOME!!!!!

26...... made brown snow.


27...... watched sheep fucking in the winter. The perverted-looking guy in overalls helped a bit too.....
28...... learnt that my friend has a cute little squealy snorty pig as a pet.

29...... met a tiny (but amazing) girl who trains for endurance by running 20km every alternate day in winter. And then drinks Cognac at night.
30...... saw friendly horses in snow.31...... stood on a corner of a shopping mall just to watch people slip and fall on icy ground.

32...... saw friendly ducks in snow.

33......was carsick everytime I got in the car, because they drove on the wrong side of the road.

34...... had a very patriotic Norwegian try to convince me that "The 300" was a Norwegian film, and that Tacos are a Norwegian food. Dumb-ass.

35......was invited to a Santa Claus party......

......where I didn't know a single soul.... ...... but we decided to get smashed...... and ended up becoming best friends with everyone!

36......witnessed how those vikings drink.
37...... ate fresh giant scallops............and SCALLOP ROE!



38...... enjoyed FRESH cod. From the sea. Steamed in its own juices. Ho ho ho.

39...... ate risgr√łt... Yes it looks grisly. No, I don't like it.
40...... helped to built a jungle playground in the forest, for kids at the school nearby........we're not fooling around. It was for 'testing' purposes.

41...... took a ride on a snow-scooter.

42...... was driven on ice by an ex-World Rally Championship driver.

43...... watched my parents ski and snowball fight for the first time.




















"Ouch!"



















44...... stood on my head in the snow.


45...... witnessed beauty, everyday.







































46...... infected gwailous with the phrases "yes-ah?" and "nice-ah?" and "You want ham lan?"

47...... bought Jamie Oliver's "Jamie's Italy", which I've been eyeing for such a long time.

48...... been out to sea on a fishing boat in winter.

49...... been doing indoor climbing.

50...... gotten so drunk I puked for the very first time. Half a bottle of Glenfiddich, 2 gin tonics, a beer, some wine, and a lot of homemade moonshine mixed with tea. Oh, and another pint of beer and a quarter bottle of Bombay Sapphire. Even Silje's squealing "Khai TSAAAHHHH"....... video

....... while trying to lick me didn't scare me much anymore. I actually picked her up!


........and I was sociable.....

.....really....

.....really....

.....really....

..... really sociable :)

51...... took pictures with strangers.

52...... Met the legendary Polsa, or "Sausage" for the first time. There are two stories why he's known as The Sausage, but neither are fit for public consumption.

53...... wrapped myself in a giant quilt, and later walked down the road with it when we went for supper, because it was cold, and I was drunk.

54...... played with pussy while cards were strapped to my head.

55...... read the very controversial (and banned on pain of incarceration in Malaysia) Salman Rushdie book, "The Satanic Verses".

56...... had my specs stolen by a naughty elf.....

...... but I got them back.

57...... was hugged by a cute girl.

58...... Became very good friends with a very drunk, but very kind Knut who shared his gin with me as we stumbled to the club, all the while promising me he would save me if there was a fight.

59...... was almost licked by Erlend's cute blonde (drunk) sister.

60...... was hugged by a really, REALLY nice girl :)

It's a hard life *sigh* ;) But someone's gotta live it!!! HAHAHA! A very Happy New Year to all my friends. Wishing you multiple orgasms everyday!