Wednesday, November 29, 2006

When Love(knee cartilage) and Hate(pelvic bone) Collide

Andrew, the 19-year old chimpanzee-genius of a basketball player recently returned from Australia. I hadn't seen him in almost a year now so we were understandably happy when we got to play together yesterday.

Unfortunately, while he was marking me, his knee bashed into the small of my back, right on my pelvic bone. Usually it would have been a rolling-on-the-floor-in-agony experience, but the rush of adrenaline from getting the layup probably deadened the pain then(Even though right now it hurts like a fucking bitch, like somebody whacked my back with a hammer). But when I turned around, I saw Andrew hobbling around grabbing his knee, and I couldn't resist jibing him.

"Oi Andrew! Fucker! Knee my ass for what? Damned pain! I know lah all you damned virgins not getting any action...."

The funniest thing is he went,"WHAT?!?!??! You ass-ed my knee lah!!!!" *hobble hobble*

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Penniless and Broke

For reasons I shall not bore you with, events conspired this weekend to leave me with only RM35 to spend, for the entire weekend(that's Friday night until Monday morning), and with no way to access my funds in the bank. John from Klang whose pictures I look at while wanking (GOTCHA JOHN!!!!!!!!!! NO WAY TO RUN FROM THE GAY-NESS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!) - sorry about that. My friend John is slightly homophobic and I take every chance I get to make him feel as nauseous as possible - offered to buy me dinner... but I want to see if I can get through the entire 3 days without having to take cash from anyone, as an experiment in frugality and discipline. I had 52 ringgit late on Friday night..... but I couldn't resist cajoling the Black Ghost and Bryan to go to Kepong for Bak kut teh. So that's 17 ringgit gone. Discipline...... yeah right.

But then, I haven't spent a sen all day now, and it's 5.41 PM on Saturday. I've skipped breakfast on account of eating a huge portion of pork ribs in herbal soup until 3.30AM in the morning, lunch(cause I'm being a cheapskate), and I've only been munching on the muesli in my kitchen cupboard. And by munching I mean shaking the jar violently until the almonds and raisins rise to the top, and then picking them off one by one while watching Prison Break, ignoring the inevitable day when I'll have to eat plain muesli(yuck) and milk when I've finished all the nuts and raisins and all the good stuff.

As I laze in bed with the air-conditioning on full-blast and my laptop on my lap, I'm wondering if I have the discipline to not blow all my cash(wow, ALL your RM35!!! So much!!) and take up my friends' offer of ready cash. I think I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms from not partying yesterday night. All the scratching, twitching, and general irritability will probably be exarcebated by the fact that I'm not going to be partying tonight too. I've had no less than 4 phone calls by 9 this morning by people waking me up and wondering what I have planned for them tonight, and why haven't I called them yet since it's already Saturday morning.

The first sms this morning: "Yo. Any pussy plans tonight? :)"
The first msn msg today: "Yo apa buat? Got what plans for later?"
The first phone call today:"Oi! Where are you? Tonight party where? Why never call me?"
The last phone call I got: "hallo? Ei go out lar tonight!............. Go where??!?! How the fuck I know! You tell me lah!"

They've generally reacted with long pauses followed by hurt and confusion when I tell them I plan to do absolutely nothing. I imagine them standing around in a crowd, like the 4400, looking confusedly around wondering where they are and what they're doing...

...... and I think it's absolutely hilarious. The best part is when I act stupid and say,"Dun have ah. Call me if you got anything lah. Bye."

But you see, I really do need more than RM35. What for?

1. Haircut. My botak head just grew out, and although it's all nice and fuzzy like a rambutan, I want to look less like a fruit and more like a well-groomed gay dude.
2. Phone. I'm left with less than 80 sen worth of prepaid credit, and I had no idea until midnight yesterday when I got hit by the warning msg.
3. Dinner, supper, breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper again.
4. Gotta reload my touch 'n' go card. I like to put RM200 in everytime, saves me the trouble of reloading so often.

I hate being poor. I will work hard to make money to feed my family and provide them with a comfortable life! (cue corny "inspirational" japanese tv-series music)

.........Hey I just thought of something! People still owe me for the last few rounds of partying and I'll be seeing them tonight! MUAHAHAHA I guess this weekend will work out after all. Bye guys! I'm off to dinner!

Khai Tzer

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

This crazy crazy life

Life is good. No. Life is great. I'm enjoying myself more than I have in a long long LONG LOOONNNNNG TIME!

Athletes talk about being in "the zone", that physical and mental place when everything falls into place for you to perform at your peak, in perfect peace and with perfect confidence. I've felt that before, that rare feeling of controlled euphoria when you can do no wrong, when every shot whooshes, every lay-up is indefensible, and you see the game like Jordan does......

I'm living life very close to The Zone now, and I can only see it getting better from here.

  • -At the age of 24, when most people don't make many close friends anymore, I have inexplicably, very fortunately met a few new friends - Great friends - people that I would trust my life with and die for to protect. Previously I accepted that out of the hundreds of new people I socialise and meet with in a year, one true friend was a great achievement. In '99 it was Chun Fee, in 2000 it was Hooi Koon, in 2001 it was Sheng Wai. In 2002 it was Erlend and Liv-Mari, in 2003 it was Benny, in 2004 it was Hang, and miraculously this year, I met the few fuckers who play basketball with me.

  • -I've grown up so much recently, without becoming too cynical about life. Unlike the frustration and anger I felt when I first lost my innocence and idealism, this time the lessons about life only served to open my eyes about the intricacies of being a social animal, and allowed me to bask and revel in the sheer bliss that is life.

  • The wild, crazy, impossible, virtually surreal nights at the un-likeliest of locations that is Beach Club earlier this year with my brothers. Incredible things happened, things that still leave me wide-eyed and slack-jawed with incredulity whenever I reflect on them. More crazy than what happened is the realisation that what happened was so important because they were great lessons about life. I haven't internalised yet what I did, and was capable of doing, and I relish the moment when it all sinks in.

  • My social life just exploded, and after all those years of suppressing myself in my teenage years (a combination of parental restrictions, dumb belief in the sanctity of certain social expectations, financial inability, and a shy inner self), I can finally enjoy myself, truly. No need to pretend to be "cool"(WUAHAHAHHAHA), and ironically, now when I can more than afford it, I've learnt that there's no need for lots of money too.

  • I have a place that I can really call home. A place that I love and enjoy and come back to whenever I need peace and alone-time. It's a warm, cozy place that makes me happy.

  • Long-standing personal milestones achieved. I'm also on my way to seeing my sex... uh, six-pack again(operative word "again" woohooooo) ;)

  • People who don't have to love me, do. I'm touched beyond comprehension.

  • Developed the ability to say no. It feels so fucking great. I feel like a two-year old who just learnt how to say "no" again. It's so fucking fun you can't imagine. You go "no" and then things that you don't want to happen........ don't happen. Magic!!

  • Also honed the ability to not give a flying fuck. Previously it was controlled by my emotions, but now, I just don't give a flying fuck. It's verrrrrrrry liberating. You should all try it. Girls, it gives you character(character = sexy to smart guys), and guys, it gives you lots of hot women. Yes, hot women are crazy... but I still love them.

  • Helping someone in need really does make you happier. Effecting change in a situation where you can assist someone immensely by doing something that requires little effort gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside. It could be something as simple as hooking up two shy friends who like one another *coughcoughhobbitcoughcough*

  • Saying no to the wrong sort of women, no matter how hot they are, gives you a sense of self-belief and discipline beyond the usual male posturing and braggadocio. Guys(and girls), remember, it's not worth it when it's wrong. Instant gratification belongs to animals...... and should only be indulged in when there are no long-term consequences that might shorten your life and your sanity(i.e. psycho bf/gf, STDs and unwanted pregnancies,
    parang-wielding over-protective family members, or a potential mate's sibling that's obsessed over you)
I could go on some more, but it's late, and I bet you're bored reading about this amazing life, But watch this space. This crazy crazy life is only going to get even crazier and more beautiful. I love you all.