Friday, March 03, 2006

Oh really?

In an inspired piece of altruistic wisdom, our considerate and caring deputy prime minister advised us in one of the National Propaganda PublicationsThe Star yesterday that "Malaysians SHOULD (so that means we are the ones to be blamed if we don't) change their lifestyle" and "become more prudent in their spending and ensure there was no wastage."

Such changes in lifestyle should be made so that even if there were increases in fuel prices, Malaysians will be able to continue having the good quality and comforts of life which they have been enjoying," he said..........

*tries to stifle disbelieving laughter*

*fails miserably*

Dude, putting aside the issue me refraining from commenting on the well-fed appearance of our DPM in the name of respect(no, not for him, but for tinted black pajeros that might appear on my doorstep, forcing me to urge my followers to "tenang..... tenang" and my driver to face charges of sodomy) or the fact that the most widely-read Malaysian "newspaper" has the incredibly urgent headline of "CHANGE LIFESTYLE" in huge bold print, putting aside all that, does that man think that we're all stupid?

I mean, besides the obvious of course, since he's in office and all that - just let me talk about this for a while, I'll get back to the main course - but there are people who actually believe every fucking word they read or hear. Yes. That's most of you idiots who have a Mykad.

"Oh oh, have you read about the Arab billionaire who wants to donate one billion to the National Heart Foundation?"
"Oh oh, you know that Alex Yoong's dad was forced to marry a Muslim so that he could get sponsorship from the government?

and the funniest one,

"Oh oh, you know that Langkawi has two sandbars off the island? That's why the tsunami reflected and hit Penang and Phuket........"


But anyway, I'm digressing really way off course here. So our DPM is telling us to save so that we can "continue having the good quality and comforts of life"......


How the fuck are you supposed to have a good quality of life if we're supposed to save? He must not understand basic accounting principles. If you take something out from somewhere, you've got to put it somewhere else. It doesn't just disappear.

He's saying that if I take public transport instead of driving to work, I'm enjoying my life more by smelling people's smelly armpits and having random strangers cram all around me to a station where I have to take a feeder bus, arriving all cranky and wrinkly.............. than driving all by my lonesome to a parking spot directly in front of my destination?

Or perhaps you mean that I should buy less food, leave it raw(since gas prices will go up too), and then laugh heartily as my family and I celebrate our prudence and financial astuteness.

And according to him, Malaysia is a very small net exporter of crude oil. What he declined to elaborate on was that the oil we sell is known as sweet crude, because of its low sulphur content(making it cheaper to refine) and is thus more expensive. Here's an exercise for all you brainwashed MyKad holders: go find out how much Petroliam Nasional Sdn. Bhd. (if you don't know what company is that, kindly jump off their twin towers and rid the world of your stupid genes) made in royalties and its net profit for the financial year 2004/2005 instead of how much crude oil we export vs. how much we import.

Well, Mr. Minister, are you going to take the RapidKL to work? Or a Honda 5 series EX5? After all, your outriders could be put to better use directing traffic at the pukimak machauhai hamkahchan snot-drinking cum-gargling pundek kaninehcibai fucking jammed Summit traffic light in USJ. And surely one man doesn't have the need for 4 or 5 escort cars. Pardon my rudeness, but you have only one rear end after all. You can't sit in 5 cars at once.

I rest my case.

Here's a serious tip for you propaganda-fed farm animals: Google News. FYI, the world consists of more than a country with a ubi kayu and dog shape.

No comments: