Monday, December 05, 2005

"Hey! Old friend! Got some business wanna share with you......"


I'm not interested, so you can take your puny little dick, stretch it so it reaches your asshole, and go fuck yourself.

Do I have "victim" tattoo-ed on my forehead?
Is there a big huge invisible "cheat me and take my money" stamped on my face that only I can't see?

I don't think so.

Let me take a stand here. And let me make my stand known to you... people.

Anyone who tries to sell me unsolicited goldquest, lampe berger, any other "MLM" shit, insurance, credit cards, or anything that involves getting a commission out of you screwing me will cease to be my friend, and henceforth be persōna nōn grāta in my world. Let's refer to this person(usually male) as a "MLM whore-cunt bitch".

Let's put it into context. A cockroach, by my definition, is the only thing in the world that I hate. It is a despicable organism that does not continue living once I catch sight of one within my living spaces. The "MLM whore-cunt bitch" is barely one notch higher than a cockroach.

If you were my friend before you became an MLM whore-cunt bitch, then I will grant you more face than you deserve, for this once, and refrain from anything else but merely ignoring you once you bring up the word "MLM" or "insurance". However, you will have used up all your prior goodwill with me. You will henceforth cease to be my friend. Continue your selling and I will treat you as I would treat any other stranger.

If you're just a passing acquaintance/stranger, you are in trouble. I will make a personal effort to destroy your mental health and your reputation. I will insult you to your face, make you feel uncomfortable by questioning your morals, ethics and the way your parents brought you up, and make you believe that I will blatantly seduce your girlfriend. I will use psychological techniques to invade your personal space, lower your self-esteem, question your abilities and induce suicidal depression.

Can you believe this fuckheads? One dude recently msg-ed me after a long hiatus. I was on guard instantly at his too-friendly tone of voice and at how fast it took for him to ask for my current phone number. Since he was a really close friend once, I gave my number, but I was prescient enough to include the byline " long as you're not gonna try and sell me insurance, credit cards or that lampe berger shit".

So today he sent me another message.
"as long as it's not anything you listed it's ok? actually I wanna share some MLM information with you. I am not selling. just like one to one me and you. yumcha and can talk about other topics oso."

He is now on my blacklist. "can" talk about other topics? Do you ask permission from your friends to talk about stuff? I didn't think so. You want to "share"? haha. Wow, isn't that so generous of you. I didn't know your 'company' information was so precious. You know what you can do with it? Thaaaaaaaaaaat's Riiii-ight! Stick it up your butt, that's what.

I'll bet he'll ask me to "invest" in some "business" of his after my company goes global and I'm rolling in cash.

Another time, a friend's boyfriend(whom I barely knew) called me after he graduated with the same over-friendly tone of voice and gave me his name. It sounded vaguely familiar and I even started to feel guilty for not remembering a friend who was so familiar with me. He said hi, he had just graduated could he come visit me at my hilltop home again? I said sure call me soon and hung up.

Then I scratched my head up and down wondering who the fuck was that... MNS acquaintance? Dad's friend's children? One of the hundreds of Youth Exchange dudes? Someone I met at a seminar/competition? Who was it that had come visit my place before? Who?

After a whole day of confusion, I thought of a sneaky plan and sms-ed him, asking him who gave him my number. He said it was my friend, and it all went click.

Of course. She was one of my best friends and had brought her boyfriend along when she came to visit me at my (then) new place. He seemed like an okay guy, but I still wondered how he suddenly became my best friend. We sorta clicked, cause he was surprise, surprise, a senior from my secondary school.

And then he sms-ed me again. "So is next weekend alright? By the way I'm selling insurance now. Have you got insurance yet?"


He probably figured out(wrongly) that I was a rich guy after seeing how and where I lived, and wanted a piece of the action for himself.

I told him, out of curiosity at what he would do, that he was always welcome to visit, since we're good friends, just drop in anytime, but I had to let him know that I already had two insurance policies.

He never even bothered to call back, let alone visit. Just as I thought.

Then they struck in legions and battalions, relentless and unforgiving, willing to sacrifice their friends for a few measly bucks and a reputation as money-grabbing cold-hearted materialistic lazy people who wanted to get rich quick.

You've probably had the same experience yourself. Either as a victim or a MLM whore-cunt bitch. If it's the former, I commiserate with you, I do. I know the feeling of not wanting to be impolite and telling the dude to just fuck off. It was deeply offending to my sensibilities, but at the same time, the need to be a person of restraint, superior moral fibre and class overpowered the need to just punch him in the face.

I have no such compunction nowadays. I bet that after they talk to me, they go away feeling like their minds have been violated. I always sit quietly pretending I didn't have fun torturing them after they've decided they didn't want to talk about it anymore, but I did:

After I wonder whether his parents' divorce had anything to do with his need for attention, one of the MLM whore-cunt bitches twisted and turned trying to change the topic. I asked him whether selling these things that cheated people "satisfied" his needs. He tried to change the topic again. Then I wondered aloud if he got aroused when people felt uncomfortable, like I was getting aroused now just looking at him feel like a trapped mouse. And then my left hand started to stray towards my crotch, like I was going to rub myself.

You should have seen the look of horror on his face as he jumped out of his comfy couch at San Francisco Coffee at Midvalley, mumbled some "I've got to go er, somewhere....." excuse, and practically ran out of the place. I burst out laughing and then regaled the friendly barrista with the story after he he saw the guy running out.

It was hilarious. I got a free refill on my tea and one of the girl barristas kept giving me big smiles. Something good did come out with dealing with these MLM whore-cunt bitches after all.

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