Friday, December 02, 2005

I am a pathetic, unpopular, antisocial person.

salmon and crackers

It's Friday night and I'm sitting at home. Subconciously I'm getting this reflexive need to call the usual unsavoury characters and paint the town red, but other than that, I'm thinking of the fucking traffic on Friday nights and decide that staying at home isn't so bad after all...

OH FUCK I'VE BECOME A KL PERSON! AIYEEEEEEEEEEE..........................!!!!

Anyway every few minutes I'm reminding myself that it's okay. People still love you. You won't disappear if you don't go out on Fridays.


And I have a whole ton of books to read, AND tomorrow is going to be a wild one.

Okay :) That's more like it.

So, to drown my pretend sorrows, I decided on food (alcohol saps my energy, cigarettes give me bad breath, and drugs are so... I don't know, uncool. Women are definitely out because tonight I've decided to be a pathetic, unpopular, antisocial motherfucker).

Grinning devilishly to myself and plotting like Dexter the little genius, I raided the freezer and came out with a hunk of beautiful, frozen, salmon fillet. My aunty looked at me curiously(as it was almost 10pm and they were going to bed) as I thawed the salmon and laughed maniacally as I rubbed salt and ground black pepper all over the fucker. Muahahahahhaaha...

And then I switched on my computer and surprise surprise, I see Elaine online. I say,"bugger me sideways, look who's as boring as me!" and she says,"haha. YOU are a boring motherfucker. YOU are pathetic, unpopular, and antisocial. And a motherfucker. I am leaving the office now to have lots of wild hedonistic, caligula-level fun with beautiful people and may even get so inebriated that I will wake up not knowing what happened last night!"

Well, well! Now isn't THAT a good way to cheer up a pathetic unpopular antisocial motherfucker like me?

I cried in despair and rent my hair in desperation, wailing and moaning in abject wretchedness, but I managed to compose my e-self and told her "you too" when she said have a good weekend.

The "haha YOU are a boring motherfucker...." part is all melodramatic exaggeration by me. All she actually said was "I'm leaving the office now have a good weekend." I'm a selfish part-time masochist and like to imagine that someone thinks I'm a pathetic unpopular antisocial motherfucker for once. Gives me the excuse to drown my sorrows(WHAT sorrows?! You're just a hungry little bitch who wants to find any excuse to eat!!) with food.

So for a really indulgent first supper, I had grilled salmon fillet with black pepper and get this, Jacob's crackers!!
It's like the last time I got hungry during tea-time, ransacked the supplies cabinet and hacked open a can of abalone. I sliced chilli padi and oyster sauce, and proceeded to stuff myself with RM150 worth of shellfish, JUST FOR A SNACK (no, mummy didn't mind).

I'm thinking, some sad people are eating sardines and crackers, and the luckier ones might have canned tuna or mackerel, but I, I have to be an indulgent little motherfucker and spend time marinading and grilling a beautiful, pink chunk of salmon. My sorrows didn't look so sorrowful after all.

And LATER, for second supper, I'm going to get some really nice siew pak choy, boil up a whole batch of prawn stock and clean a whole bunch of shrimp for..... MAGGI MEE!! And I'm going to dump four eggs into it. Life is goooo..d, mm-kay? *southpark mr mckay voice*

Actually, Friday night home alone doesn't seem like such a bad thing after all.

1 comment:

Raksha said...

Well bugger me sideways too...that was exactly what I wanted to say actually!! Only I was, you a rush to leave the office then. Hehehe. So glad you read my thoughts accurately dude...