Friday, January 13, 2006

Silly-ass motherfuckers

I traipsed down to the ballcourt after Sien Jeen (that air steward dude that's probably banging those airheads by the planeload) called to ask if it was still raining at my place. So I told him the the court was still a bit wet. No big deal, and I went home to change into shorts.

For a lark, I wore the big colourful hawaiian boxers pulled really high and then that horrendous orange and red hawaiian pants to the court. And then I put on my gold-and-black sneakers to complete the horribly striking, nay, BLINDING scene.

I saw Shaun's sister stifling a giggle and missing her shot as she caught her first glimpse of the horrid apparition walking towards the court. I stared at everyone, willing them to laugh out loud and make some raucous comment, but sadly, everyone was too polite, even as they turned their heads to avoid being blinded by the unnaturally loud, disgusting mix of vibrant colours.

So we played a game and then it started raining heavily. True to form(whenever Botak is around), we behaved like silly-ass motherfuckers. Even with jagged streaks of lightning streaking down over the horizon somewhere near PJ, the two of us pretended we were NBA stars, Botak commentating about his "amazing jump-shot percentage" while getting drenched, and me in my ugly clothes leaping around the slippery court. Everyone else had run for shelter or hopped into their cars and went home, leaving two idiots playing like schoolkids.

"Oi Khai Tzer!! Like damn dramatic like that ah!!" And then he starts miming the rain dripping off his head slow-motion and giving a brooding gay look.

Terrence had run for an umbrella and was sitting on one of the benches looking at us like we were morons(we were). We continued to play out the stupid basketball drama and I grabbed the side support of the rim to "dunk in the rain" while roaring like some monster. Totally moronic. Problem was I dunked the ball right into my face, whacking my specs off as it fell 9 feet to the ground with a bent frame and a popped out lens.

We laughed our asses off as I squatted there in the rain, pushing the lens back into the frame and pretending that I was a junkie injecting heroin, even moaning with glazed eyes after the glass popped back in. Botak almost had a fit when I did that.

And then we decided to SLIDE down the grass embankment in front of the court. It all started when the ball went out-of-bounds. It was still pouring huge sheets of rain at this moment. I ran a bit and just launched myself flying onto the grass and slid all the way down and a few feet more besides, roaring with laughter at the fun of it, sputtering rain and grass from my mouth.

"I ALSO WANT!!!" Botak yelled. "aaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHH Oof...... HAHAHAHAAHAHA"

And then we decided to take a rotten plank and "snowboard" down the embankment. We found a miserable 2-foot long plank that was barely wide enough to step on and attempted to slide down like some hero. Physics would determine that it wasn't wide or long enough, but that didn't stop us from our attempts to push each other down the slippery slope, to much futility and hilarity.

We determined it wasn't going to work, and just decided to slide down again on our asses, in a huge hail of mud, grass and pouring rain, laughing uproariously. We retired to the benches after we got bored, Terrence still holding his umbrella while attempting to light a ciggie for Botak. He lit his cigarette and smoked with his head facing the floor.

"Protect the cigarette from the rain!" He said.

We got around to telling stupid jokes and insulting each other as the rain slowed, and decided to grab dinner together later, at Asia Cafe.

JUST as I sat down, I saw this really hot chick sitting two tables away, staring at me. She was amazingly fair, had translucent, glowing skin, a rosebud mouth, huge manga eyes, and a pointy button nose so cute I almost went over and pinched it. She was wearing a black cardigan and a white halter underneath. So of course I ignored her as Botak harried me to go walk with him and find food. When we came back from our rounds, I told Botak.

"Where? Where..........? WAH!!! Damn cute. She's looking at me man." He said. "OH I KNOW YOU LOOKING AT ME GIRL!!! C'MON, YOU WANT SOMMA THIS, aaaaiiiiiIIGHT?"

He has this habit of talking like Ali G crossed with Missy Elliot whenever he wants to act lame or gain attention.

"Bullshit. She was looking at me." I told him.
"Yeah right. She's looking at Me!" He argued.

This continued back and forth until he spouted in hokkien,"ju kua ju boh sui lah actually(the more I see the less pretty she looks actually)."

I turned to observe and said, "yalah. Body cannot. But face still damn cute."

"Fucking flat lah she. You know what I call those ah? I call those..... bee stings. Girls must at least have a B-cup lah. Otherwise hah, aiyoh... like NOTHING there like that, like a fucking CHEST." He complained loudly.

She stood up from her table to take a phone call and blatantly walked past our table and behind Botak, directly in front of me.

"See see? I told you she was looking at me!" Botak crowed triumphantly.
"She's not standing in front of you, is she?" I asked him.
"......ya hoh. You're right...... " He admitted. ".....tapi boh sui lah(but she's not pretty lah)."
"OK lah... not bad lah." I replied while giving her that stare-cock look that she returned in kind while talking on the phone.

We got bored of the halter top girl after a while and decided to adjourn upstairs for pool.

"What the fuck? Like a bloody sausage-fest only!" I exclaimed upon seeing the entire pool hall filled with guys. "What is this? Germany?" as the two of them laughed like maniacs.

We gave up and started our pool game until Botak's eagle eye caught sight of a pretty girl playing foosball with 3 of her (pussy looking) guy friends. Idiot that he is, he walked past her on the excuse that he was going to the toilet, blatantly staring with a rubber neck like some laser-guided ass-finder.

When he came back, the first thing he said was,"Her BREASTS SHAKE WHEN SHE TURNS THE THING!!!" in a hushed, excited tone. The "thing" referring to the foosball handles.

I turned to see, and sure as not, he was right. Wow. I turned back to look at Botak with the excited, expectant look. We nodded our heads and laughed like morons again. And then all through the pool game we just angled to get a good look at her.

"Khai TZER!! Look at her! LOOK AT HER!!!"

She had one handle in one hand, and was pushing it back and forth excitedly-I assume to defend during the game, but it sure as hell looked DAMN COMPROMISING from a distance with her mouth half-open and her amazing breasts wobbling like agar-agar.

"Wah....." and the pool game was paused as two morons stared unabashedly at the amazing sight. Terrence didn't know what to make of the two of us. He being Botak's friend, I suppose he's seen a glimpse or two of Botak's innate craziness, but nothing like when the two of us were put together.

"Dude.... Can you imagine her when she's handling your...... OI!!!! Stop fantasising!" He snapped his fingers beside my head. I looked at him and started shouting the rapid-fire lyrics that I practiced to perfection seven years ago of Tupac's "Hit 'em up" that was playing over the system. He gave a surprised look and we both collapsed in laughter.

What a sweet sweet day for two silly-ass motherfuckers. I hope today doesn't turn out the same.

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